Why am I always got fever every month? I’m so damn frightened about it.. Since my second operation was made last June 1 2006, I was so weak and got every month sickness. Sometimes twice a month, I’m so tired of it, I’m not like this before… huhu

There's too much of this noise

Boy, let's get a seat

So you can talk sweet to me

I see these other boys

Won't you get me on the dancefloor?

Kinda like to buy me drinks

Movin' so sexy

Kinda wonderin'

How we can have some fun

So don't be shy

Baby just enjoy

What's on your mind, party

And have a good time

It's getting hectic in here

It's getting chaotic

I'm rockin' and rollin'

No stoppin'

We goin' 'til it's over

Do you like the way I rock it?

Boy I think it's so chaotic

Oh, goin' wild

I'm on fire

Burning up the dancefloor

Turn it up higher

Wild like a tiger

Tell me do you want more?

Everybody blink your lights

Party from the left to right

There's too much of the sound

I'm with the crowd

So please don't turn me down

I'm havin' so much fun

And being done

I'm gonna tell you off

The DJ is my friend

So lets begin

I'm a do my dance

Until the end

Baby lets get down

Let's get the town

Everybody here's getting' wild

“Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side

But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride”

My mom and I argued last night. First I tell her that I will go to boracay to join michelle in her vacation but then as usual she doesn’t agree.. it always be like that…

Then later my papa came and said that he talked the water district manager and he told my papa that I could apply after election. I said “dili ko gusto ko mag school”. Then ana si mama dili na daw ko niya paeskwelahon kay gasto, mag work jud daw ko didto kay pakaulawan napud daw nko ako papa na giingnan nadaw niya..then ana ko “kinsa man gud nag-ingon ko na didto ko magwork kamo2 raman nagbuot2” then ana siya kana daw ako gusto dili daw maayo kay operada daw ko… (Here it come again I really hate it basta balik2kon ng opera2 bah)bwesit! .. Then she said she knows what’s best for me (really?!) I don’t think so!!! I am the one who knows what’s best for me. Don’t treat me like a fool mom, don’t control and don’t command me for what I want to do in my life… all my life I follow you, can you please allow naman me to choose what I want and to decide for what I know what’s best for me?? Unsaon nako pag-asenso ana if I just follow all your command? If you don’t have any ambition in life well me I have!!! Back off! I want to do what I want!!!!!!!!!!! Idiot!!!!! Hay ambot why you’re always roaming in my life? Yah you’re my mom and you always said that you are just care of my health…unsaon nako pagkakat-on ana kung magsige kag aligid sakoa?

Nakasabot man ko kay naa kay problema karon ang akoa lang gipamalihog bah na unta dili ako ang pahungawan sa imong kalagot ug ayaw ako ang permente makit-an nimo pag naa kay problema.. ingon ana baya jud ka sa una pa… embes maluoy ko sa imoha maglagot nalng…

Lagi nalang ikaw ang masusunod!!!!! Lagi nalang ikaw ang tama!!!!!! Wala ka kabalo na usahay mali ka!!!!!! Dili nalng ko mutingog kay dili ko gustog saba ug gubot!!!! Dili ko pareha sa imoha na trouble maker!!!!!!!!!!

Hay ambotttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I received a text message from beauty..coz nagkaprob nasad siya kay bench… nagapatol napud daw si benj now ug textmate…

You know what boys will be boys’ miski unsaon nimog balibali ang world. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t usually get serious when it comes to relationship… one of them, based from my experienced and the other one, based of what I witnessed from my friends..

To tell you frank “takot ako masaktan” because ive already felt that before… tama na yung pain na nafeel nako in loving Jd, that’s enough! Dili nako gusto na mafeel again ang agony na ako giagian kay Jd.. ayoko na as.in dili najud ko gusto balikan ang sakit coz it leads me to be a suicidal person.. buti nalng dili ko kitd ug utok, gina katawa nalng nako ang tanan para mawala… but still magbalik2 jud siya sako mind pero ginacontrol nako ako self..its not easy and its so damn “kapoy” to the highest level when your’re in pain… I don’t know when ko mag seryoso, siguro pag muaabot natong guy na magpaseryoso sakoa… ang guy na kakaiba sa tanan ug ang guy na mag break sko paniniwala about guys… coz for me guys are all the same…

I came home late last night and my mom so angry with me, it always the same. Gibunalan nasad ko. What’s wrong with her? She gets angry because I came home late? I always had done that before dapat dili na siya ma shock. And obviously im old na im not bata na noh. I just hang out with my friends at isa pa 11:45 pa to… she always talking about my health, na may raba dawg dili ko operada chuva ethcus. I hate it! It’s getting in my nerve when she talks about my health. I don’t care, I want to live life to the fullest. Im not affected about the operation its not “delikado” like the others. I want to live normal, im not yet disable or whatever. She always insults me, she never knew how bad I felt when she talks negative about myself.. I love myself eventhough im just like this. I keep on asking why is it its so big deal for her to came home late? Yah she always told me coz im a girl I must be home 10pm, ang tarong na babae dapat dili magpadugay2 sa dalan etc… all I can say “WALA AKONG GINAGAWANG MASAMA”. Pasalamat siya hindi ako burara na anak. I keep on saying in this blog about this stuff.. bakit hanggang ngayon wala pa rin siyang tiwala o lagi nalang ganito na hindi naman ako nakaagrabyado sa kanya, pasalamat siya wala akong bisyo, oo meron nga pero hindi niya alam at ayokong malaman niya lahat ng kabalastugan ko dahil ayokong maging dagdag sa problema niya .. pero ni isa hindi ko siya dinadamay… dahil kung ako ang anak na kitid ang utak! Wa na siguro ko kron! Tiurok na!!!!

She doesn’t care about my feelings, she doesn’t care what am I thinking, all she thinks is about her opinion or views about life.. di nalang gani ko mutingog or dili jud ko naga open sa iyaha coz were totally different. And where grew up in different world. That’s why she doesn’t even have time to understand me… I always understand her but is it she never understands me? It really makes me feel so bad!!!! Sometimes I ask myself what am I done wrong? ..im a Cinderella that’s it!!! Oh mom ever since my world began you always pushes me to hate you. And “sometimes” “I hate you!” sorry for that word but its true… despite of all her sacrifice in our family and caring us so deeply (matuok nami) I felt anger when she scolded me and physically hurt me… I just want you to know ”im not a pounching bag” and if you really want me to get out in our house “I will”… paghulat lang…

I really don’t know my feelings right now! I want to shout, I want to cry, I want to go anywhere and do dump things…

People really don’t understand me, they don’t have any clue why those things happen. They judge for what they’ve seen. WHAY THEY SEE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY’VE GET.

I’m working so hard to correct those bullshit things that I have done before. I’ve change a lot since I started working. But,. I don’t know, days gone by and what was happened before is still happening right now but..*Sigh* Fate really plays me, I know it just a test to prove what I have promised. But here it again, but its lighter than before but its also the same. I’m tired so damn tired. There’s nothing I can do but to cry, they don’t really understand my world. Im trying to understand and go along in there world but still I’m the one who came out bad. I know, I accept it that I’m bad, what can I do I cant please everybody. I never felt regret and I’m proud for who I am. Because I believe that even though I am bad there’s something in me that people don’t see those good things and good heart inside of me. They don’t even try to know me, I want them to know that I have a masquerade. They can’t understand because they’re not in my shoes. Have they ever tried to step in my shoes?

I’ve heard a lot of things from paul na para sa iyaha ang naa sa utok ni bryan pero wala jud daw as.in vocally gisulti ni bryan.. He doesn’t like girls who are aggressive because he will get discourage and don’t respect that kind of girl. So I remember what happened last March 16 araw ng dabaw. I don’t care if he can’t respect me, I can’t respect him too because he is such a plastic guy and also consider as adarit, well ana man jud ng mga boys (what’s new?). I observe it, I am not blind and I am not a fool. Ever since we became “friends?” there’s something in his actions showing that there’s something in me that he doesn’t like. And I don’t care coz there’s something in him also that I don’t like.. AMANOS!

He says “makalagot daw ko kay kung mugawas daw muuli daw dayon, sige lang dawg mama mama, tigulang naman daw unta ko. Makabitin daw” “naka drugs nasad ka noh? Sunod ayaw nalang ug gawas ha kung muuli ka dayon”

-I cant blame myself.. He really really damn don’t know what the hell I’ve experienced from the hand of my mother. He wasn’t there to notice it. That’s the reason why he doesn’t understand me… I’m telling him before to understand me coz my mom its not like their mom, and he says he understand but still I’ve heard he has a negative comment to me from one of his friends… laagan man jud ko pero dili ko nagauli sa balay ug kadlawon, kung makadlawonan man ko ugma nalang ko muuli pero with permission ni mama kay lisod basig wa nakoy maabtan pag-uli.. grabe man pud gud siya mutext tag alas 10pm,11pm above may nagboard ko kay kana why not… kung kabalo lang siya tanan hirap nako para makauban ug Makita lang siya pero dili jud nako mahimo coz naa ako mama nagaconflict ang akong happiness ug ang akoang mama, it doesn’t mean na mamas girl ko, kurog lang jud ko pag akoa ng mama kay dili ntawon lalim ang akoang kahimtang sa una ug dili nako gusto mausab pato.. usahay man gud si mama tukar2 ang ugali nananghid nakag sayo before ang event tapos ningsugot na pero pag-abot sa day musiwil dayon, di dayon ka tugtan to the last minute na.,.lisod kalabanon akoang mama... naa pa gani tong time na hapit ko niya gipalayas kay wala ko niya natugtan ug lakaw na ugma na muuli coz palusot ni mama gidugo daw ko. Mag house party unta mi ato gi fight jud nako ang akong gusto, para lang Makita si bryan, nauli lang ug away hangtod sa hapit ko niya gipalayas, kay kung gipalayas ko niya ato mulayas jud ko, muapas ko sa ko ate sa cagayan, puslan man.. pero may nalang naging mahinahon ko ug nacontrol nako ang situation… its not the first time we had argued coz ginafight jud nako ang akoang right but still my mom gahi pa sa bato… how many times nako ningtakas sa amoa.. I have my social life also ug bata pako nangita pakog lingaw.. mao na kami mangiro man kanang sayo2 pa coz mga simple lang pud ang amoang kalipay..dli man tawon mi nagapaabot ug kadlawon kay babae man intawon mi, ako rajud ang uwagan na dili muulig kadlawon (except kung importante kaayo) buntag lang pero muuli man pud kog tarong wa ko ningburot!!! Mao rani uwagan na virgin pa!!..may man siya kay lalaki man siya pwede siya muuli anytime.. lagi tigulang nako pero naa pako sa poder sa ko mama dili pa nako mahimo ang gusto nako mahimo..lagi ang uban naa pud sa poder sa ilahang parents makagawas man pud gihapon.. Like what ive said dili preha ang mga parents… lagi naa pud uban makapalusot pa pud, unya ako? Ever since the world began tanan palusot tanan daghan paatik para lang makalaag mahutdan pud ko oi!!! Kapoy baya huna hunag palusot, hulata lang na makahawa ko sa amoa miski walay tulganay pwede kaayo sa mussurender nalang..

Only those people witnessed my anxiety coz of my mom since I was a kid, who can understand and protect me

Yah its true I’m a liberated type of a girl like what I have said before again and again “everything happens for a reason”..

Gusto lang nako maging good friends mi no more no less.. Feeling man gud kaayo niya inlove kaayo ko sa iyaha…( I just love 1 guy in my entire life and the rest of it just for a game. It’s the result of my love for him. ) ganahan man gud ko sa iyaha kay babaon man gud siya pareha mi tapos siya baya akong ginatawag na “mysterious guy” coz permente nako na siya makit-an before 1^st yr college pa ko and wala jud ko nag-expect na pag abot sa panahon diay magkasturyahanay mi ug magka share ug mga talatitot moments.. Just like that… pero para sa iyaha lahi man,, feeling nako tanan nako ginahimo gina double meaning niya… wala pa siya kabalo, or wala pa mi as in totally nag-uban na grabe ang bonding mao na murag malain siya sa akoa..kanang mga uwag uwag namo yaga yaga lang mana., wala lang mana sa akoa… uwag2 man siya uwag2 pud ko…Amanos gihapon!!

Try to know me dude!

Ang tao na wala pa kaila sakoa makasulti jud ug negative pero ang tao na nakaila najud sakoa makatawa nalang ug ginaignore tanan. Ug ang tao na nakaila sakoa makabalo kung kanus-a ko magsultig tinuod ug kanus-a ko naga yaga yaga. Then beauty sumpay sa akong giingon “alangan kay nakaila naman mi sa imoha makatawa man jud ug makasabot. pero ang tao na wala pa, magyawyaw pajud ang kalag ana ug manglibak dayon…hay amie kung makaila lang siya sa imoha talatitot baya jud kaayo ka makatawa nalng na siya sa iyang gipanglibak sa imoha. Ang uban ginasulti what you see is what you get, pero sa imoha what they see is not what they get..” coz beauty and my friends knows me best…

Hahayz!