I really don’t know my feelings right now! I want to shout, I want to cry, I want to go anywhere and do dump things… People really don’t understand me, they don’t have any clue why those things happen. They judge for what they’ve seen. WHAY THEY SEE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY’VE GET. I’m working so hard to correct those bullshit things that I have done before. I’ve change a lot since I started working. But,. I don’t know, days gone by and what was happened before is still happening right now but..*Sigh* Fate really plays me, I know it just a test to prove what I have promised. But here it again, but its lighter than before but its also the same. I’m tired so damn tired. There’s nothing I can do but to cry, they don’t really understand my world. Im trying to understand and go along in there world but still I’m the one who came out bad. I know, I accept it that I’m bad, what can I do I cant please everybody. I never felt regret and I’m proud for who I am. Because I believe that even though I am bad there’s something in me that people don’t see those good things and good heart inside of me. They don’t even try to know me, I want them to know that I have a masquerade. They can’t understand because they’re not in my shoes. Have they ever tried to step in my shoes? I’ve heard a lot of things from paul na para sa iyaha ang naa sa utok ni bryan pero wala jud daw as.in vocally gisulti ni bryan.. He doesn’t like girls who are aggressive because he will get discourage and don’t respect that kind of girl. So I remember what happened last March 16 araw ng dabaw. I don’t care if he can’t respect me, I can’t respect him too because he is such a plastic guy and also consider as adarit, well ana man jud ng mga boys (what’s new?). I observe it, I am not blind and I am not a fool. Ever since we became “friends?” there’s something in his actions showing that there’s something in me that he doesn’t like. And I don’t care coz there’s something in him also that I don’t like.. AMANOS! He says “makalagot daw ko kay kung mugawas daw muuli daw dayon, sige lang dawg mama mama, tigulang naman daw unta ko. Makabitin daw” “naka drugs nasad ka noh? Sunod ayaw nalang ug gawas ha kung muuli ka dayon” -I cant blame myself.. He really really damn don’t know what the hell I’ve experienced from the hand of my mother. He wasn’t there to notice it. That’s the reason why he doesn’t understand me… I’m telling him before to understand me coz my mom its not like their mom, and he says he understand but still I’ve heard he has a negative comment to me from one of his friends… laagan man jud ko pero dili ko nagauli sa balay ug kadlawon, kung makadlawonan man ko ugma nalang ko muuli pero with permission ni mama kay lisod basig wa nakoy maabtan pag-uli.. grabe man pud gud siya mutext tag alas 10pm,11pm above may nagboard ko kay kana why not… kung kabalo lang siya tanan hirap nako para makauban ug Makita lang siya pero dili jud nako mahimo coz naa ako mama nagaconflict ang akong happiness ug ang akoang mama, it doesn’t mean na mamas girl ko, kurog lang jud ko pag akoa ng mama kay dili ntawon lalim ang akoang kahimtang sa una ug dili nako gusto mausab pato.. usahay man gud si mama tukar2 ang ugali nananghid nakag sayo before ang event tapos ningsugot na pero pag-abot sa day musiwil dayon, di dayon ka tugtan to the last minute na.,.lisod kalabanon akoang mama... naa pa gani tong time na hapit ko niya gipalayas kay wala ko niya natugtan ug lakaw na ugma na muuli coz palusot ni mama gidugo daw ko. Mag house party unta mi ato gi fight jud nako ang akong gusto, para lang Makita si bryan, nauli lang ug away hangtod sa hapit ko niya gipalayas, kay kung gipalayas ko niya ato mulayas jud ko, muapas ko sa ko ate sa cagayan, puslan man.. pero may nalang naging mahinahon ko ug nacontrol nako ang situation… its not the first time we had argued coz ginafight jud nako ang akoang right but still my mom gahi pa sa bato… how many times nako ningtakas sa amoa.. I have my social life also ug bata pako nangita pakog lingaw.. mao na kami mangiro man kanang sayo2 pa coz mga simple lang pud ang amoang kalipay..dli man tawon mi nagapaabot ug kadlawon kay babae man intawon mi, ako rajud ang uwagan na dili muulig kadlawon (except kung importante kaayo) buntag lang pero muuli man pud kog tarong wa ko ningburot!!! Mao rani uwagan na virgin pa!!..may man siya kay lalaki man siya pwede siya muuli anytime.. lagi tigulang nako pero naa pako sa poder sa ko mama dili pa nako mahimo ang gusto nako mahimo..lagi ang uban naa pud sa poder sa ilahang parents makagawas man pud gihapon.. Like what ive said dili preha ang mga parents… lagi naa pud uban makapalusot pa pud, unya ako? Ever since the world began tanan palusot tanan daghan paatik para lang makalaag mahutdan pud ko oi!!! Kapoy baya huna hunag palusot, hulata lang na makahawa ko sa amoa miski walay tulganay pwede kaayo sa mussurender nalang.. Only those people witnessed my anxiety coz of my mom since I was a kid, who can understand and protect me Yah its true I’m a liberated type of a girl like what I have said before again and again “everything happens for a reason”.. Gusto lang nako maging good friends mi no more no less.. Feeling man gud kaayo niya inlove kaayo ko sa iyaha…( I just love 1 guy in my entire life and the rest of it just for a game. It’s the result of my love for him. ) ganahan man gud ko sa iyaha kay babaon man gud siya pareha mi tapos siya baya akong ginatawag na “mysterious guy” coz permente nako na siya makit-an before 1st yr college pa ko and wala jud ko nag-expect na pag abot sa panahon diay magkasturyahanay mi ug magka share ug mga talatitot moments.. Just like that… pero para sa iyaha lahi man,, feeling nako tanan nako ginahimo gina double meaning niya… wala pa siya kabalo, or wala pa mi as in totally nag-uban na grabe ang bonding mao na murag malain siya sa akoa..kanang mga uwag uwag namo yaga yaga lang mana., wala lang mana sa akoa… uwag2 man siya uwag2 pud ko…Amanos gihapon!! Try to know me dude! Ang tao na wala pa kaila sakoa makasulti jud ug negative pero ang tao na nakaila najud sakoa makatawa nalang ug ginaignore tanan. Ug ang tao na nakaila sakoa makabalo kung kanus-a ko magsultig tinuod ug kanus-a ko naga yaga yaga. Then beauty sumpay sa akong giingon “alangan kay nakaila naman mi sa imoha makatawa man jud ug makasabot. pero ang tao na wala pa, magyawyaw pajud ang kalag ana ug manglibak dayon…hay amie kung makaila lang siya sa imoha talatitot baya jud kaayo ka makatawa nalng na siya sa iyang gipanglibak sa imoha. Ang uban ginasulti what you see is what you get, pero sa imoha what they see is not what they get..” coz beauty and my friends knows me best… Hahayz! |
