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| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 |
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Hahay! Here I am again reminiscing the past. Kapoya aning kaw ra lagi isa ba, magpundog balay kay magreminisce jud. Now I realized I’m still holding on from my past. I still loved the guy who broke me into pieces, the guy who made me stronger and wiser. I thought I already forgot him, I thought my feelings on him were fade, I thought when I graduate highschool that would be the end of heartaches when it comes to him. But I was wrong, it’s only I THOUGHT. Yes, I still love JD the # 14 of my life. (Why 14? J is no.10 in alphabet and D is 4 so 10+4= 14, and he has 14 letters in his real name). How stupid I am, I don’t why I’m like this, what’s wrong with me? Amie wake up!. Back to zero, back where it begins and welcome back again amie in heartaches. I didn’t expect that my feelings on him will return. Everytime I saw him my heart bump into happiness, my tears starts falling.. I can say it is a tear of joy. Lagi niyang sinasabi dalaga na raw ako (charot!). Pasilip-silip sa bintana baka sakaling dadaan siya which I usually ive done before.
You know why I said these? because two days after our graduation in college, I came home late and I passed by to their “TAMBAYAN”. Someone shouts “AM CONGRATS!” and I was like freaking because I know it was him. Siya lang kasi tumatawag saken ng AMS samin. Usually kasi MIE or AMIE. Napalingon ako tapos may nakita akong guy na lumingon rin saken pero di ko nakita mukha niya kasi madilim. Alam mo ba embes na maging happy ako kasi greet niya ako I was CRYING, crying and crying I don’t know why am I crying, I don’t know why my tears keeps falling I cant stop it.. Pagdating sa bahay text ko agad mga ka farout P.I.G.S ko na sila mismo nakawitness sa mga crying moments ko noon dahil sa kanya. I told them what happened, I told them “I was crying right now, shaking. What does it mean?” and they just replied “ Amie! You’re still inlove. And you’re still the AMie that I knew before whose inlove of him.” Then I just said in myself “yah there all right”. Because if I’m not bakit ako iiyak at naaapektuhan sa ganon lang. Joy said “ naggrit siya sayo because friend ka niya and its natural. Don’t expect am masasaktan ka lang.” Ayaw nilang mag expect ako at ayaw na nila na mahalin ko ulit si JD kasi natatakot sila at ayaw na nilang mangyari ang dati, ayaw na nilang Makita akong umiiyak ng dahil sa kanya, ayaw nilang Makita akong dying in loving him. But it’s all happened, my love for him is still here. Oh c’mon amie don’t be such a stupid girl. He didn’t love you because if he really do! He will court you!. *sigh*. I wanna shout and tell him all the things I kept in 10 years. NO ONE TOOK HIS PLACE that’s for sure. Janis told me that I must face Jd and tell him all I want to say. Pero ayoko nakakahiya baka mapahiya nanaman ako like before. Ayoko na pagod na ang puso ko. Ewan ko ba pagdating sa kanya natatameme ako, naprapraning, nadedemure, nagiging makahiya ako bigla kahit na napaka aresgada ko na babae, nakapa naughty ,napaka… hay ewan. I’m a VICTIM OF FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES!
I really like these lines from Kelly Clarkson song because of you
…I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
…Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
…I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
…And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
…Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty…
Someone told me na yung daw GF niya iniwan siya pati yung baby daw tinatago nila. Lahat ng nakarelasyon niya hindi nagtagal. Hindi ba nila alam kung gano sila kaswerte dahil minsan sa buhay nila nakasama nila si Jd kahit panandalian lang. Ang hindi niya alam ni Jd habang nagpapakasaya siya sa iba, may tao namang nasasaktan at naghihirap sa ibang lalaki.
“I learned how to love without expecting in return. For a while it felt good. But soon enough I had to stop. Why? Because the more I love the person, the more I lose myself” |
posted by oRoKa_oToMe @ 2:05 AM  |
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